in the thick
anger after death
Higher Self When death comes without previous meaningful conversation, all kinds of thoughts can fill the void.
Ego There isn’t always time or desire to explore the topic. Besides, it isn’t comfortable to think about death, let alone discuss it.
Higher Self Death is a natural part of life—we see it in the seasons, in caterpillars, in stars—literally in everything throughout the universe.
Ego But death is the end of me. What will happen when I’m no longer in charge?
Higher Self (knowing that this was the crux of the matter) You have served your purpose in keeping Body safe and setting healthy boundaries. At some point, all energies will remerge with Source, returning to Light and all-encompassing Love. It is the way of the universe.
Ego (a long monologue) I am angry that my mother chose to die before I could tell her how I really felt about life. I really wanted to be around her during her final days. I loved her. Now I feel so much guilt and am miserable!
Higher Self It is never too late to connect. In the quiet moments of your day, tell her of your love and what she meant to you. Thank her for being your mother. Know that her soul will resonate with your words.
Next, forgive yourself as you go deep within your heart. Take your time and really feel your emotions. Let them overtake you as you talk with Source. Continue until you feel lighter inside. Release will come.
Narrator Not listening, Ego was thinking of the next point to make because s/he feared losing control. Soul knew that Ego wanted to deny and lash out to protect his turf. This is harmful. However, if Higher Self could make a different point, Ego might listen.
Higher Self Ego, you feel anger and guilt because you are suffering, yet you can transform these negative feelings into wisdom and compassion. Start by feeling the full intensity of the energy of your anger without acting on it. Try not to back off from those feelings. Let them come into and through you. As you remain present with your anger, you separate it from the story you have been telling yourself. Without its “hot air” or delusional feelings, the story you knew falls away; truth becomes clear. Wisdom steps forward.
(Continuing…) Next, try to slow your pace, schedule solitude for yourself and practice mindfulness or staying present in the routine actions of your day (brushing your teeth, washing your hands, walking in nature, exercising, preparing food, eating). This new perspective will build emotional strength, stability, and love of self. It won’t happen overnight, but confidence and lightness will come over time.
For the first time in the conversation, Ego met the gaze of Higher Self.
© 2015 Barbara L. Krause